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No Money, No Honey
no money no honey
say the young men of Bali
the girls here are beautiful
but love is not free
young nymphs will beguile you
with their dark flashing eyes
no money no honey
say the men with long sighs
so they woo now the tourist
of face round and plain
they resemble the banteng
but the work is well paid
no money no honey
what a hard load to bear
for our women we work hard
anytime anywhere
The Balinese do not have a word in their vocabulary
for the abstract idea of romantic love. A Balinese boy does not
idolize the girl he is attracted to, and matters of sex are not
solemn and mysterious prohibitions. The Balinese are extremely
discreet in their intimate relations; lovers are never seen together
in public, and it would be extreme bad manners for a boy to make
suggestions to a girl in public.
The Bali Aga people consider adolescents to be pure,
and their purity is jealously guarded since they perform special
rites in village magic. Sexual licence on the part of a boy or
girl is considered a crime against the village. Girls of high
caste (triwangsa) are strictly chaperoned until they marry. Girls
usually marry in their late teens and boys a few years older.
It is considered unusual not to marry for the next rebirth would
be a lower one. Full acceptance into Balinese society comes with
marriage, for only then can a man join the village association.
A Balinese man seeking love usually has marriage
in mind. However girls are not so easily persuaded, and generally
are not in a hurry for marriage. If a Balinese girl marries someone
of another nationality, she is no longer considered Balinese.
Divorce is not difficult, but it is not common. A divorced woman
must leave her children with their father.
There are two forms of marriage; mapadik (formal)
and ngrorod (informal). Mapadik is marriage by request; a formal
courtship where the suitor must bring many gifts to the girl’s
home. It is very expensive, for the girl may delay marriage for
quite some time. Ngrorod on the other hand is inexpensive and
full of drama, which the Balinese love. There is a feigned kidnapping
of the girl and everyone concerned puts on a wonderful theatrical
performance. The parents pretend to be distraught and search for
their daughter. A honeymoon then precedes the wedding; the couple
will then have a small religious ceremony according to customary
law (adat).
Offerings are made to the earth goddess, Ibu Pertiwi,
who then witnesses their union. At a later time there is a formal
ceremony where the couple are blessed by the priest, and their
union is announced through offerings and prayers made to the ancestors
and deities of the house temple. The woman is formally accepted
into the man’s family and becomes a member of his caste
and clan.
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